To Sleep train or not

Again the subject of sleep training came up over at the AsiaParents list.

I think it comes up every now and then coz it is a never ending problem that many parents go through. And if you have been reading my blog long enough, you know I am all for sleep training.

To have a child that would go to sleep when it is time to instead of having to cajole/bribe/rock/nurse is such a blessing. And I know this for sure since I was just recently struggling with this.

Before I go on, let me clarify that to sleep train a child does NOT mean to have the child sleep through the nite. That is only one aspect of sleep training. What I am referring to is the ability of the child to go to sleep by himself when it is nap/bed time. So don’t misunderstand that I am wanting a 3mth old baby to sleep through the nite. Though if it happens it is a happy bonus!

I usually teach a child to sleep by himself at 3months, after the usual growth spurt. You can read more about it here and here. But with #7 I had missed that window due to the numerous things happening at that point in time. And so at 8mths I had a baby who would only go to sleep if I carried and rocked her or nursed to sleep. And then there was the whole other problem of transferring her from my arms to the bed. And if she nursed and fell asleep on the bed I was always worried that she would roll off the bed. Especially since our bed is higher than normal beds and we have hard ceramic flooring!

At about 6mths I tried sleep training her but failed. So I actually thought of just leaving things as they were. I started asking around for stories of babies who were able to go to sleep by themselves without being sleep trained. However the common thread of the stories I heard was this – the baby eventually slept on his own BUT at 2yrs or older! Oh man! I just couldn’t imagine the thought of having to nurse or carry her to sleep till she was 2.

Yes I know many moms do it but I just can’t in our household. Perhaps I would have continued status quo if she would continue to sleep when I transferred her to her cot from my arms. But she wouldn’t. She just wanted to be carried throughout the whole nap! Or she wanted to be latched on the entire nap. The moment she felt me unlatch her she would stir – sorry Elizabeth Pantley fans!

And on top of that when she woke up, she was hardly refreshed. She was cranky and kept on clinging to me – more than any other baby did. So I couldn’t do any work while she slept and I couldn’t do any work while she was awake. How’s that for productivity?!

I was getting desperate. I thought through my various options -

• continue as things were – unproductive plus there was an increasing sense of resentment
• nurse her to sleep – then what about the toddler who tends to get into trouble when I am doing that plus that means I am the ONLY one who can put her to sleep. And that meant she’d never sleep in her cot ever!
• sleep train – yep. That seems to be only option if I wanted her in her cot during nap/bed times

So I started to pray. The failed training made me very aware that I need to bathe the entire exercise in prayer. Lots of it! Dh suggested playing a instrumental CD in the background. I dug around and found one in our collection of CDs.

Then I just did it.

Yes she cried the 1st day for 45 minutes – but only for the 1st nap.* And it was an on-off type of crying. For her 2nd nap, she let out a cry of protest when she was laid on the cot and stopped even before I was out of the room! Same for the 2nd and 3rd day.

It is truly a miracle!

I don’t know if we are out of the woods yet But it is a huge, huge improvement from what we were struggling with for months! She sleeps better and is such a happy baby now. I am now even able to eat my meals in peace! Sure, I still have to eat real fast but I couldn’t even do that previously. How can I but conclude that it was her lack of sleep was making her very needy and clingy. I actually created a high need child! Even dh noticed the change in her demeanour.

Praise God!

* I did not go in to check on her every 5, 10, 15 minutes as recommended by some experts. I figured that would be teasing her. So I just told her to go to bed and I purposed in my heart that I wouldn’t check on her till she slept. I went downstairs and prayed and prayed and prayed

Scratch, Scratch, Scratch

Eczema is such a terribly annoying thing to be afflicted with!

I had my 1st brush with allergies when I was 8 or so. My lips would itch, peel and swell. The only solution back then, as now, is the infamous steriod cream. Somehow, the itching and peeling disappeared. But it re-surfaced as patches of eczema rash on all the joints of my body (elbow, knees, finger joints) when I was in JC (17, 18yrs old). Then it went away until 1995. It flared up real bad on our honeymoon. Then it went away only to surface when I was pregnant with our 2nd child. It cleared up sometime later but came back as itching and peeling lips after I had my 5th child. I had to go off wearing lipstick. But no body rash. I have not worn lipstick since 2005!

Then last year when I was pregnant with #7, my finger joints started itching. And to add to that combo, I developed an allergy to my own sweat! So miserable.

To make me more miserable, the stuff that I am allergic to has increased! It used to be just shellfish (prawns, crayfish, lobsters, oysters, etc.). But now, I am allergic to sweat, dust and MSG – natural or man-made! Which means everytime I eat out, especially at Chinese restauants, my lips itch and peel. I can actually measure the amount of MSG in the food by the reaction of my lips Seriously. If it is a little, I may not even itch. But if it is a lot, woah! Almost immediate itching and swelling.

The same reaction afflicts me when I take foods with naturally occuring MSG too. So I can’t take mushrooms or tomatoes. And sauces that are made with them. If I really, really want to eat the beef stew that dear Aunty Helen (Angie‘s mom) cooks, I have to take an antihistamine prior to the meal. Or I’ll have to pay for it. And you can’t hide and lie to me either. My body knows!

As for dust – it just means that everytime I de-clutter or shift furniture around, I break out. Actually just normal dusting cause me to break out. I have to do it very, very gently making sure nothing falls on the sensitive areas.

What’s frustrating is that even when I avoid all offending foods I can still break out in an itch/rash and that’s when I know I am stressed. Even if I dont’ feel stressed, my body is telling me that I am. So I have to step back and rest in the Lord – eaasier said than done!

Sadly, this heightened sensitivity to foods and dust has been passed on to dd#1. It pains me to see her scratching and picking on the scabs.

For her, it is worse since dh’s side of the family has a history of allergies and eczema too! Double whammy

So what do we do?

I have read and researched so much about allergies and eczema (allopatic and alternative medicines) that I think I am more knowledgeable on this topic than most doctors! I have also seen doctors and taken different medication/supplements over the years that now whenever someone swears by a certain product, I am totally unmoved. Why? Well, most likely I have tried that product before and it either did not work or it worked but not in the long term.

This is what I do - PRAY!

While we do try to avoid steriods as much as possible since the side effects are as bad as the itch BUT I have found that despite all the bad press it gets, it is the ONLY thing that helps when the itching gets really, really unbearable. And I have also found that if I “attack” the itch with steriods before it gets really ugly, it helps shorten the whole cycle. Taking an antihistamine before de-cluttering or eating out also helps.

But that is my offensive technique Once it is under control, I moisturise and moisturise and moisturise. Not with over the counter creams anymore for I discovered that the stuff in them aggravates the itch, but with the expensive organic, au naturale ones. Since I believe that it is an internal “fault”, I have also added taking coconut oil, EPO and flax-borage oil combo to help strengthen the skin.

In case this helps anyone, here are the stuff (that I can remember) I have done over the years besides avoiding the offensive food/trigger as much as possible -

Taken orally :

• Vit E
• Evening Primrose Oil
• Flax and borage Oils (recent)
• Extra Virgin Cold Pressed Coconut Oil
• Fish Oils
• Piriton (an antihistamine – Chlorphenamine)

Used externally :

• A-Derma
• Nutiva Extra Virgin Cold Pressed Coconut Oil
• Manuka Honey Creams (Manuka Magic Oil, Magic Cream, East Cape Manuka Cream)
• California Baby products (Shea Butter, Calendula Cream, Sensitive Body Wash, Super Sensitive Everyday Lotion)
• Badger Balm
• Northern Essence lip balm
• Plain oatmeal (to soak in to relieve itching)
• DermaVeen products

They all have worked in various degrees and for short periods of time. Meaning I would have to rotate them around since there isn’t one product that works all the time.

I buy most of these online at iHerb, Whoopee Kiddies and Manu Nutraceuticals. Otherwsise I buy them at pharmacies or GNC. If you are a 1st time customer to iHerb, you can use my referral code LIM018 to get US$5 off your 1st purchase!

Despite the misery my dd and I suffer I know it isn’t as bad as what some other eczema/allergy sufferers go through. So we are thankful for that. But when an attack occurs, we forget to be grateful coz all we can think about it alleviating that itch!

Ordination, A Vacation and a Clingy Baby

…and twins!

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while but I have had neither the time nor inclination to since I have been erm…busy?

So here’s a post on what’s been happening lately in our family.

Ordination

On 1st November 2009, dh was officially ordained as Reverend Henson Lim and promoted to Deputy Senior Pastor We understand that a title is only that and we are honoured and privileged to be able to serve God. But still is is nice to be acknowledged

A Vacation

Infront of our villa with the buggy that all 9 of us piled in to get around.

The last time we took a vacation was in February 2008 to Bintan when our 6th child was 8 months old. The kids had a great time there. So when we were wondering where to go for a short family break this time round, they all voted for Bintan hands down So to Bintan we went . We booked a well-stocked 3-room villa through SAFRA. The villa came with 2 single beds, 1 queen bed and 5 extra mattresses thrown in! It fitted all of us very comfortably.

We spent the the entire time either at the beach or by the pool. (And the baby spent all her time nursing – yes at the beach and IN the pool as well! She has returned with a double chin, I say!)The older kids got to play carom, snooker (dh’s favourite game) and wii when the younger ones needed to rest/nap in the afternoon. Now we are all as brown as one can get. Lots of sunblock ensured that no one got burnt.

The best part of it all for me? The BBQ dinner we booked on our last night there. Yummy!!! Everyone had a great time, even the baby. But it was tiring for the 2 adults. Hmmm…when do you think we can get to enjoy a relaxing vacation?!

Clingy Baby

Ah!!! We’ve been at this phase for a while but it seems to be intensifying lately. Probably too much carrying and attention from mama and daddy over the vacation! Most days can feel like they are totally unproductive. As I mentioned to my friend Sam I can only do mindless stuff like watch TV when she’s awake. I can’t read the newspapers/book/mark schoolwork/teach/cook properly since she either wants to be carried or grab whatever’s in my hands to chew it up! And when I really have to leave her, she screams her head off.

Work is just piling up No, we wouldn’t be getting an Ergo She just has to learn to be content to sit or play by herself. It is not as if I leave her for hours alone, kwim? It’s just 10-15minutes. Already she’s spoilt by her older siblings (when they are around) and gets to be carried more often than the others had been at her age.

So if you are wondering at the sporadic postings, she’s the reason!

Twins

No, no, no. We are not pregnant My brother and sil had their twins 2 weeks ago. A boy and a girl. How cool is that? And sil is persevering hard this time to make sure her breastfeeding experience is more positive than the last time. The entire family has been roped in to help her. I was sms-ing help on breastfeeding from Bintan! My dad is in-charge of the 2yr old toddler. Mom is the cook and the nighttime help (she sleeps with sil and the twins). My sil? She’s just in-charge of nursing the babies

And so that’s what we have been busy with.