No, I won’t!

No, it is not one of my children throwing a temper tantrum. Well, not today, that is

It was my reaction to a request from someone asking me to discipline a child for her.

Why should I? Why should I be the bad guy? If the child were harming any of my children, I would go up to the child and remove the child from my child/ren’s presence. Or I would remove my child from harm’s way. I may even tell the child off, but discipline a child that is not mine? Sorry, no way.

If your child won’t listen to you, it is your problem. You can definitely ask me how I discipline my child and I would be more than happy to share what works and what doesn’t. But don’t expect me to discipline your child for you. Yes, even though we are related. I am not that child’s parent. Nor do I wish to be.

And please do not threaten to leave your child at my place to “learn”. My home is not a boot camp or a detention barrack. Yes, I am very firm and strict with my children. But it is not a torture chamber. Contrary to popular belief, we dso have lots of fun and love here. I do not like what you are implying when you say that.

Wheat, egg & MSG free

It’s been a while since I went on an elimination diet. But I figured there’s no other way but to bite the bullet and do it for the sake of figuring out our skin woes as written about in Scratch, Scratch, Scratch and Scratch, Scratch, Scratch 2.

I had to wait till the Christmas/New Year feasting was over to begin this. It is actually much easier to do it this time round since I am dealing with an older child. At 9, she’s able to understand and accept why her meals are plainer and sometimes less pleasant than the others’. And she has shown her maturity in in doing so without complaining. So I guess I had better not complain!

If you ever tried to go wheat free, you’d know what a pain-in-the-you-know-where it is. You need to cook everything from scratch. Almost everything processed has wheat in it. Even soya sauce has wheat in it! It is much easier to go seafood/shellfish free! And when you throw eggs into the mix, whoa! Even wheat free bread and pancake mix can’t be used! And of course going MSG free means no outside food and no tomatoes or mushrooms (these have naturally occuring MSG).

But it is all worth it – well, at least that’s what I am telling myself! We are on Day 5 only and we’ve both been less itchy even tho I had to deep clean the kitchen and we’re experiencing mega dust from the upgrade of Bishan Park.

So what are we eating?

Rice, bee hoon, mee tai bak, rice cakes, corn cakes, cornflakes, oats for our carbs. Meats are marinated with tamari sauce (bought from NTUC Finest) or just salt and some garlic powder. Desserts and snacks are fruits and…chocolates

I must say tho that my system must be highly addicted to wheat I felt so, so, so awful on the 1st 3 days. Kinda like when I went off coffee. And I feel hungry all the time!

But we press on! I may just get to lose some weight.

Toddling here and there

It is simply amazing to watch a child go from milestone to milestone.

Our baby in a rush is now officially a toddling baby at 9mths! Her tentative 1st steps at 8mths have become strong and confident strides. And yes, better not forget her shoes when we go out!

She toddles everywhere! And so very cute to watch her cover the length of the house in confidence.

Yesterdaay, I brought the 4 younger ones to the library while daddy brought the 3 older ones for a bowling game (birthday treat for #3). Anna had a ball of a time toddling all over the library. Picking up books, messing up the shelves which I had to re-pack and climbing up chairs.

At home, she has this fascination with the stairs – but of course She’s always heading towards it especially when we are not paying attention. The answer to “Where’s Anna?” is almost always answered with “At the stairs!”

Some have commented that they prefer a crawling baby. Me? I prefer a walking baby! Then I can take her anywhere and put her down without worrying that she’ll crawl and get yucky stuff on her hands and body.

Obviously she’s barefeet at home but I put her in those soft-soled leather shoes (like the popular Robeez) so that she can have a better feel and grip as she walks. I have never bought Robeez so I can’t compare. But we have always put our learning-to-walk babies in these soft-soled shoes. I have bought ours off eBay Singapore, Small-Idea and Jane’s Baby Shop.

Turning 8

Sometimes the days seem so, so long and yet on other days, things happen so, so fast I can hardly catch my breath.

Our 3rd child, 2nd boy turns 8 today. I still remember his birth. And I also remember the stressful early days with him. I used to joke that if I had him first, I wouldn’t have had any other children. He would cry constantly and was very clingy. He was a poor sleeper too.

But on hindsight, I realised that his poor sleeping habits was partly my fault I should have stopped drinking all caffeine. He was very senstive to caffeine. I remember stopping caffeine for just one day and seeing there was no effect, went back to drinking my coffee the next day. Ah! I should have stopped for at least 3 – 5 days! No one ever told me that! In fact, no one told me that it might have been the caffeine that was making him cranky! Most concluded that he was simply a high need child.

He was so sensitive to caffeine that till he was 6, he couldn’t have any dessert containing caffeine (chocolate, chocolate cake, brownies) or he would have a terrible time sleeping at night. He would fall asleep and inevitably have nightmares in the middle of the night – the screaming kind

Thank God he’s ok now. And yes, he has requested for a brownie birthday cake tonight

He has such a sweet personality. While all the others would be busy playing or engrossed in their book, he would be the one who would help the 2yr old get a drink or open a bottle that she needs help with. Or he would interrupt his own play to entertain a cranky baby and let her maul him.

And he’s so undemanding that when we asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said, “To play monopoly”! And so his siblings and daddy are doing just that now while I keep the baby away from the game board!

Happy Birthday son! May the Lord bless and keep you and may you live to serve your King, faithfully and mightily!

Grateful

Nothing is more stressful than trying to shower the 4 and 2 yr old while a baby is screaming in the background. And this scenario has played itself out many, many times in my life. But now that I have 11 and 9 yr old helpers, the stress has been almost removed. I say almost coz sometimes neither the 11 nor 9 yr old can pacify her.

I am so, so grateful for all my older children. Obviously the 11 and 9 yr old can do more since they are physically bigger and therefore strong enough to carry the chubby one  Just last week, I was able to vacuum the whole house, wash 2 toilets and take a shower while the 9yr old occupied the baby.

But the 8 (today!) and 6 yr old are no lightweights either! On days when the older 2 are out, they certainly help a lot in distracting or playing with her when I am busy.

It sure makes me wonder how I managed to survive the years without any big kids!…Oh yeah – I was much younger then!

And it is so nice to be able to say to the kids – please go and pack up the house and have the house almost spick and span in 10 minutes or less! Again, almost coz you know how kids never see what you see in terms of misplaced items and dirt

Grateful! Yes, that is what I am. For kids who help out and who are willing and able to serve. Thanks guys!

The Big, Bad, Mean Mama

I guess I am a Big, Bad, Mean Mama.

• I don’t molly coddle the kids, even if they are toddlers. If they fall down, they pick themselves up. Life goes on. No need to keep on wailing. Obviously, babies are in a different class of their own
• I sleep train* my children from the time they are 3 months old. And they all go to sleep by themselves in their own beds, in their own rooms.
• I insist that they eat what is put on their plates (see Mealtime Battles 2).
• I make them walk when we are out and about. No carrying. Even the toddler. But she sometimes get to sit in the stroller if it has been a long day.
• I also insist that they help around the house (wash dishes, hang up the laundry, fold the laundry, vacuum the floor, etc).
• I insist that they learn to wait their turn.
• I insist that they learn to play by and occupy themselves and not expect to be entertained by me.
• I insist that they are responsible for their own stuff. They are not to come looking for me when they cannot find their bags, books, pencils, toys.

I could go on

Why this post? I have come to the conclusion that many times we struggle and fight with our children because we are too soft with them. Yes, they are children and yes, they have needs but boundaries need to be drawn and we need to be firm. Many times parents create problems for themselves and then become upset with the children. A good example is the struggle at bedtimes and mealtimes.

Life is much easier when one is a big, bad, mean mama. The kids stop expecting to be served but to help themselves and others in need.

Let me put it another way, one doesn’t have to suffer in order to win the good mother award It is ok to get 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. It is ok to have children who obey you. It is ok to have children who help you around the house. Sometimes those of us who have woked hard to get this far are made to feel guilty that we have it good. But why should we? We did work at training and teaching our children to be obedient and independent. So now we can reap a little of the rewards.

However, sadly, in our society, it is looked upon with pity when a child is independent. There seems to be some conspiracy to keep children helpless. Perhaps it is our need to be needed? But I rather not be needed for simple basic life skills. I want to teach my children to be independent. I want them to feel empowered, not helpless. Imagine a 4yr old still needing to be fed. Or a 6yr old who still needs mummy to lie with him before he can sleep.

And in a large family, it is critical that everyone pulls their own weight. I guess that’s why I often have people comment that my children are very matured for their age. These people would be comparing my children with children who come from the usual 2-child family with a live-in maid. And sometimes these people say it with pity in their voices.

I like my children to be independent and I feel sorry for those who pity my children. Life really is more pleasant and peaceful when everyone is doing their part and not just waiting to be served. Children can then truly be enjoyed as blessings not a burden.

* Sleep Train meaning teach them to go to sleep on their own, not sleep through the night.

For Sale : Books and More

 (Updated 6th January 2010)

Brand New Cuisenaire Rods

To mark the end of the year, I decided to finally list all the things that have been sitting in a box in my living room for who-knows-how-long!

Do take a look. There are used and new stuff there. Board games like Upwords & Rummikub, homeschool items like Cuisenaire rods, assessment books, homeschool and Answers in Genesis magazine, as well as a brand new 1.8 litre Aerogaz Rice Cooker.

Please go to this link : http://www.flickr.com/photos/mamalim98/

Contact me here if you are interested in any of the items.

Do note that I will not be reserving anything for anyone unless payment has been made. Also, if I email you and I do not receive any response from you within 2 days, I will assume that you are not interested. Payment is via internet transfer to my POSB Savings account.

Please, only serious buyers as I do not have the time to keep answering queries only to have you disappear on me Thanks for your understanding.

Happy browsing!

Babies are cumbersome

And yet another conversation from our West Coast Park outing

Mother while looking at our 7th blessing : How old is she?
Me : 9mths
Mother : Oh! I have my baby at home and I was just wondering how old must my baby be to bring her to the playground.
Me : Anytime
Mother : But if I bring her to the playground then I would have to carry her all the time. It is so cumbersome!
Me : Well, that is parenting, isn’t it? Babies need to be carried.

Mother’s face fell and she kept quiet.

Hmmm….are babies cumbersome? Let me share with you what *I* think

Yes, babies are cumbersome. And that’s why God gives them to us – to train the selfishness out of us. Dying to self is so much easier when it’s you and you alone. Throw in a baby and suddenly you realise how selfish you have been. Throw in a few more babies (oh say, 7? ) and you realise how much you have not died to self. Well, I certainly have discovered that! I have mentioned to dh more than a few times that the more children I have, the more I realise that I am a very selfish person

It is easy to be tolerant of a child’s tantrums, demands and even constant nightwakings if you have only one child. Teaching and training them is also manageable. Afterall, you only have to live through it once. But if you have more children, you will have to keep re-living the teaching and training. And yes, the constant interrupted sleep.  And don’t let me go on about the number of times you would have to potty train the children!

Babies are a lot of work. So are toddlers and so are pre-teens and teenagers. They tire us out physically. They tire us out emotionally. And that’s why I take issue with pet lovers who equate their pets with babies! I have no problems with people who have pets but please do not equate them with having babies It’s just not the same.

Anyway, I digress.

I think this attitude that children are cumbersome, that take up a lot of our time and space and money is very sad. We have become such an inward, self-centred society that we are unable to view children as the blessings God wants them to be viewed as. No wonder birth rates in developed countries are falling rapidly.

Government incentives can only work so much. As long as we view children as a liability no one will be looking forward to their arrival. And much will be done to prevent them from entering the home.

Would you?

Today, the entire family trooped down to West Coast Park for an outing since daddy is available. This is the first time I have been to this park and wow! It is huge! But I think I prefer Pasir Ris Park

Whenever I am out like this, I like to observe the children and their caregivers. How some caregivers never give their charges any slack to do what they want but are always tailing them around, forbiding them to run too fast or climb too high. Then of course there’s the other extreme. The child is alone and there is no caregiver in sight.

And sometimes I would strike up a conversation with the kids or with their caregivers.

Today was such a day. A little boy came to join my kids who were huddled around a mound of sand which they had piled up. The boy was chatty and we spoke for a while. I found out he was 6 and would be entering P1 next year. So I asked him where his parents were. He told me that his dad had dropped him off and had left to go somewhere.

I was aghast! A 6yr old boy alone in a huge park like this? So I asked again, “Do you have a brother or sister with you?” He answered that he has a sister but she was at home. Big gasp of shock from me. “You mean you are alone here in the park?” Yes, came the reply.

Oh wow!

This is the 2nd time I have encountered a scenario like this. The 1st time was at Safra Club, Yishun. That time, a little girl about 5 or 6 (I can’t remember now) was also left alone in the pool. Sure it was a kiddie pool and she could swim. But still………what if she got bored and wandered off into the deeper pools?! And she was left alone for a good 30minutes before her uncle came to pick her up!

Would you do something like that?

It would take a big, big emergency for me to leave a 6 year old child alone at a huge park or pool. Don’t these parents know the dangers of leaving such a young child alone??? Or are they so confident about the safety of Singapore?

Please don’t be so complacent. My friend just told me that her 9 yr old son was molested at a public toilet in Jurong Point. There are mad and bad people out there. While we do not want to be paranoid, we also mustn’t be too laid back.

2010 and only ONE Resolution

Whatever happens in 2010, I know for sure that God will take care of us and He will provide for us. I just need to keep my focus and priorities right.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:33-34

The big thing academically in 2010 will be the national Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE). The first of our homeschooled children sit for the exam sometime in October. Meanwhile, we will have also a P4, P2, P1, K1, N1 and the baby in our home.

Other than that, everything will be status quo.

I am not making any big resolutions since I know I won’t keep them. Actually, I won’t even be able to remember what they are by the time February comes around! So the only resolution I am making and plannng to make it work is for us to eat more healthily. And even this is rather specific Not a complete overhaul but just baby steps.

Going Green (no, not the environmental kind )

I have been reading about green smoothies at Green Smoothie Girl but I haven’t had the guts to actually do it. Plus all those vegetables she and other green smoothie fans recommend are so hard to find in NTUC!

So my aim is just to introduce another portion of vegetables and/or fruits into our meals. I would also like to cut down our consumption of meats but then we are such a carnivorous family (me included!) it is going to be tough!

But we really need to be taking better care of our bodies. We can’t get home grown, organic, fresh produce as easily or as easy on our pockets as our sisters in the States but we can at least try to eat food as close to its original form as possible (yes, that means cut out the processed nutitionally zero stuff!) And I believe that as I need to do what I need to do, He will always, always fill in the gap for us! His grace is indeed sufficient!

I am also trying to source for safer cookware. Unfortunately there’s lots of conflicting information out there So I haven’t yet come to any conclusion except to avoid aluminium (has been found to contribute to the development of Alzheimer’s disease) and teflon.

So this is my resolution for 2010. Here’s to a healthier year ahead!